Let's Play HAWK-EY

Have I ever mentioned that I love hockey? Oh sure, I had the usual snooty attitude of the uninitiated, those peaceniks who believe that hockey isn't so much a sport but rather another form of barbarism, not unlike the WWF or American Gladiators.


How wrong I was--hockey is nothing short of poetry on ice. It has all the qualities of a great sport--speed, agility, strength, strategy, sneaky plays--and you get to hit a little rubber nugget with a stick! The best part is that most of the time the players are skating BACKWARDS extremely fast. Each team has a goon, that is a player who engages in fisticuffs in order to teach the other team a lesson. This isn't an "official" position on the roster, but after the first few games of the season it becomes apparent who that person is. If the game isn't going well, he is the player to watch.


Friday was the first game of Western Hockey League (WHL) season. Our team is the Portland Winter Hawks...read the title of this blog again...and they play in the Memorial Coliseum. We took the kids and Hilary, as we've done many times before, but this game was different. For one thing, the Coliseum finally has booster seats available for the littler fannies. That would be Suzanne. I was walking around the concourse with Suzanne (because she doesn't like the opening ceremonies where they skate in to loud music and flashing lights) and she stopped to chat with the nice lady at the guest services booth. It was then that I noticed the stack of red plastic boxes and asked if those might indeed be booster seats. Voila! Suzanne could now sit in her own little seat and actually see over the bald man in front of her, enabling me to actually watch the game without getting wapped in the nose every time she decided to cheer. Here is the interesting part--Suzanne really likes to watch the game. She follows the players, yells when it is appropriate, and generally has a really nice time. In fact, she lasted almost the entire game before she pooped out and had to sit with me.


Which brings me back to the goon. My beloved niece, Hilary, comes to a lot of the games with us, and she's really starting to learn the rules. So much nicer to follow a game when you actually know what's going on. This particular game was more "active" than usual, probably because the Hawks were playing last year's Memorial Cup champions. They hung in there, but ultimately lost, and as the game went on it became apparent that the scuffles were going to be numerous. This really brought out the dark side of Hilary. Every time it looked like the gloves were going to come off, she'd jump to her feet and yell something totally goofy like "They're going to fight!" or "hit 'em again, hit 'em again!" I watched her with a bemused grin on my face, knowing that she had crossed over from the more gentlemanly sports and had become one of us.

Lest you think we are all barbarians, please understand that hockey players are dressed in full pads, much like the Michelin Man, and have to take their punches while on slippery ice. It's really hard to get in a good swing on skates. They are in more danger of getting hurt during the actual game when the pucks are flying around than when they are rolling around on the ice like those guys in the fake sumo wrestler suits.

Hilary was so excited to be there that she actually bought a lovely hooded sweatshirt in bright red with the Winter Hawks logo--for FULL PRICE! Did she wait, like her cheapskate auntie, until after the holidays when things go on sale? No, she didn't want to take a chance that they might run out of her size. Poor Hilary, she thinks stores run out of smalls and mediums. I'm here to tell you that the only size they run out of is my size, the Big Whopper. The skinny girls can always find something to wear.

I'm sure that Hilary will quickly figure out who the goon designee is. She's already learning the names of the players. There are the Canadian guys and the guys whose names end in "ski" "ov" or "uk." What a bummer that Robin Big Snake is no longer with the team--his name looked great on the back of a jersey!